I left a party last night in Astoria, late, alone, going back to my apartment in Williamsburg. For those who do not live in New York, this is known as a long-ass fucking way home. This was about 1AM, and I was at the mercy of two different trains. One of which I watched go past me as I was two blocks away from the subway. And thus now I had to decide whether or not to spend the hour getting home or using the small amount of money this Starving Artist had left on an overpriced cab.

I was at this party for the networking opportunities, supposedly. When you are a freelancer, and one with tenuous job prospects at the moment, you will go ridiculously far to meet and chat up people who might get you work, such as, - Hey, so I know this guy I used to work with on Law and Order, now hes doing something on Comedy Central now, a lot of the crew will be there, told me about this party, its in an abandoned warehouse down by the river, want to come? And sure, I could stay home, my broke ass on the couch watching 70s sci-fi films and lamenting the fact that I have no steady employment. But no, its time to go and network.

Seriously, its mind-numbing, not to mention brain-sucking, not to mention just plain boring half the time. When you go to a party to network, they cease being any fun and become more like a game. I can hear people to my right and left discussing the Communist overtones of The Smurfs or what their favorite new book is, but meanwhile I get stuck talking to the guy who works for the guy who runs The Sopranos about such scintillating topics like his car or the really amusing (but not) stunt his bridge-and-tunnel roommates pulled last weekend when they were, quote, really wasted. Meanwhile I calculate in my head how much longer I can put up with this before asking him if his company is hiring and whose email can I get ahold of to bombard with witty messages about why they should hire me.

I have friends, mostly in LA, who are extremely good at this. They work at agencies and production companies, and live in LA, so being fake-nice to people who can further your career is pretty much second nature to them. No offense to anyone in LA, but yeah, you know what I mean. Anyways, they have this mastery of looking so increfdibly competent and creative that people remember them and want to work with them, and it’s not easy to do. I myself have found good phrases to throw in include new project, the producer said, meetings, and crazy busy. I happen to be pretty bad at this skill. I often wonder if I should maybe be proud that I am unable to do fake-speak and am unable to feign interest in boring, but important, people. Then the answer comes - No, I really shouldnt be. Morals and scruples are for those with a steady income and a career that they can be proud of. The rest of us can't afford it. To shorten this ever increasing rant, networking can be extremely tiring, and this is why I left this party in Queens at 1AM. Of course nothing was accomplished, so I treated myself to a $15 cab ride for absolutely nothing. Raise another glass for the young and disillusioned.